Red Oromsby poison umpire
A dash of diplomacy is what a good umpire needs. The famous Red Oromsby had it when he officiated in the major leagues.
One day, he was having an exceedingly rough time umpiring at home plate. The partisan hometown rooters were heckling him on almost every pitch. In that hostile mob, his severest critic was a screaming female sitting not far from home plate. Her raucous voice was louder than all others.
Finally there came a lull in the storm of abuse. But suddenly the loud-mouthed female screeched at the top of her powerful lungs: "Oromsby, you stupid blind bum! If you were my husband, I'd give you poison!"
The harassed umpire slowly turned towards the grandstand, doffed his cap to the offending lady, and roared: "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd be most happy to take it!"
