STL All Sports

A couple of sharp characters named Harry and Chick arrived at the racetrack loaded down with the usual paraphernalia of horseplayers, plus instruments to calculate wind drift and moisture in the air, a slide rule, six assorted scratch sheets, columns of figures, pads, pencils, and stop watches. They went right to work figuring the possibilities of the first race. Mter taking everything into account, including the age, weight, color and family connections of the stable grooms, they settled on the prob able winner.

"I make it number seven," said Chick.

"Seven it is," answered Harry, and went off to make a sizable bet on their choice.

The race was run and number seven came in a flying eighth in an eight-horse field. In front of the two figure-filberts a little guy was jumping up and down like a monkey on a stick. As the red board flashed on, he turned to the two calculating demons and with a shining face said, "I had the winner, number nine. And look at the price, 12 to II"

As the little guy dashed off to the windows to collect his winnings, Harry looked at Chick. "Luck," he said with distaste, "just plain bonehead luck."

The two pals went back to work on the second race. Harry got out his pocket adding machine. Mter dividing the weight on the horses by the sizes of the jockeys' caps, they again agreed on the probable winner.

"Number four," said Harry.

"Check!" said Chick. And off he went to make an even bigger bet this time.

Number four trailed the field. The view of the race was ruined for the two buddies by the same little character in front of them who kept bobbing up and down and screaming all the while.

"I did it again!" screamed the little guy. "Another winner and a $19.70 mutuel!"

Harry leaned forward and tapped the little guy on the shoulder. "I don't get it," he said. "We figure and figure and figure and we can't find a winner. All you got is a program in your hand and you don't even bother to look at it to pick your horses. How do you do it?"

The little guy smiled. "I got me a system," he said. "Easy as pie. All I do is pick the two best-looking horses in the parade before the race, add the numbers together, and play the total. Like in the last race, I see number three and number seven are the best-looking, so I go and play number nine. And number nine wins. See?"

Chick and Harry exchanged glances. "Look," said Chick gently to the excited little character, "three and seven add up to ten. You should have played ten, according to your figures."

"Figures, figures!" exploded the little guy in disgust. "You and your lousy figures!"