STL All Sports

The late W. C. Fields, famous stage and movie comedian, took up the game of golf when he was at the height of his fame. Being an expert billiard player, he figured that golf would be a cinch. However, after a few months, the various intricacies of the game began to get under his skin.

One day, he was engaged in a match against another duffer. Fieids was playing, if possible, a little worse than usual. As the score mounted, so did his temper. Finally he came to a water hole. Fields took dead aim at the elusive little pellet, swung with all. his might, and poked it right into the drink.

Promptly he whirled on his opponent, ready to throw the blame on him for his bad luck. To the comedian's chagrin, he found that worthy gentleman standing quite motionless, with not even a smile on his face. Baffled for the moment, Fields decided to vent his wrath on his luck less caddy instead. He whirled on the boy who was innocently leaning against a golf bag behind the tee.

"Boy!" snapped Fields. "What's the idea of standing in back of me and getting me nervous? Move over there!" And he pointed to a spot some ten yards to the left. The caddy dutifully moved to the spot indicated. W. C. Fields addressed a fresh golf ball, swung, connected, and again watched the pill plop smack into the water. This time his rage blazed into angry fury as he spun on his heel and glared at his caddy. "Why are you standing over there?" screamed Fields. "You're in my line of vision, boy! Go stand over there!" And the comedian, surprisingly enough, indicated the identical spot on which the caddy had stood orig inally.

The caddy shook his head sadly and went back to his former position. But Fields was not through with him. "What are you mumbling, boy?" he barked.

"N-nothing," stammered the boy. "I was only standing where you told me to."

"Never mind what I told you!" roared W. C. Fields. "You do as I tell you!"